Koh Phangan and Red Cube Hostel

We arrived on Koh Phangan a few days ago and walked into hell on earth. Ok, maybe that is an exaggeration but I truly hate it on this island. I wasn’t pleased with Koh Samui because it was so unbelievably touristy but this place has been disappointment at every turn.

Koh Samui is the largest and most developed island of the Gulf of Thailand islands and it seems like there are more Europeans than Thai people there. The island’s sole business appears to be tourism. Every store you pass sells sunglasses, sarongs, shorts and beach hats. Every restaurant boasts American food on their menu. Every second vehicle is a taxi that honks at you, thinking you may have forgotten you need a ride.

That all being said, we had a beautiful hostel with a gorgeous private beached area, a pool, a restaurant, free beach towels to use, and a very cute puppy named Mini.

Now, welcome to the home of the full moon party (that will be another blog entry entirely) and the Red Cube hostel. Firstly, no one knows of the Red Cube. Whenever we go anywhere, the taxi drivers always know the names of the hostels. Not this time, as this place is clearly unpopular.

We were greeted by a woman who took our money, gave us the key to our room, showed us the place and explained the general rules of the hostel. Our room was disappointing to say the least, especially after seeing the very new and inviting lobby they have downstairs. This room reminds me a Czech prison. Our beds are foot to foot and there isn’t a mirror or place to really put anything down but that is all something we can live with.

Then I sat down on my bed. It’s broken. The entire mattress collapsed in on itself and you can feel the outline of every spring. Knowing how hard it is for me to sleep in even the most comfortable bed, B kindly offered to switch with me. She’s such a doll. Now, onto the blankets. There is no flat sheet on the bed, just a fitted one. The blanket is too small to cover the single bed, let alone our bodies in a laying position. I am quite short and B is taller than I am – they do not cover from shoulder to feet.

Ok, so we won’t sleep with the air conditioning on, no biggie. Next, time for a shower before bed, that’ll be nice. The shower head is not in a separate area from the toilet or sink – this is quite common in Thailand that there be no curtain but generally it is to the side so that not everything in the bathroom gets wet. Not at the Red Cube! The shower head points DIRECTLY onto the toilet seat. If you’d like to be standing under the shower, you have to be straddling the toilet. There is no way to avoid getting every single square inch of that bathroom soaked. So, when B had her shower, she made sure to toss the roll of toilet paper out the door to keep it dry.

A few minutes later I hear her yell, “The door in here is just SOAKED” which causes me to look up at the door, where I notice streams of water pouring out from under it and the toilet paper, which is outside the door, soaking wet. I couldn’t help but laugh at this point because, seriously? Did I mention that the entire cube of bathroom is raised a foot off the floor for no apparent reason?

B got out of that shower steaming angry. We haven’t complained much in Thailand because it is usually met with laughter. Dinner takes an hour and you’re unhappy? Say something and you get laughed at. Hurt? Laughter. They take very few things seriously but this just built and built until...

B storms downstairs and let’s it out on the lady who checked us in. She did it in a pretty tame way for her, but it turns out that the woman doesn’t even work here. The owner just asked her to stay here since he was in a motorcycle accident earlier in the day... she gave us two towels to use as additional blankets. Toasty warm!

It’s been two nights and two days and we have yet to talk to anyone with any authority here. The only person who admits to working here is an unpleasant man who continually tells us to wait for someone else who works here to get in. It is beyond frustrating.

Other complaints about the Red Cube, this island, and the last few days:

1. The room, more specifically the bathroom, smells like assholes.

2. I got ice cream down the road today and it tasted like chemical.

3. I got a curry and rice dish at a restaurant today that had a dead fly in it. At least it was cooked, right?

4. Haad Rin beach is covered in garbage. Ban Tai beach is covered in rocks... and garbage.

5. There is never anyone at this hostel – staying or working here.

6. The prices here are insanely over inflated. Every day is like being in a sports arena but they charge you to use the bathroom.

7. Their specially made custom logo curtain is too small for the window.

8. The reading lamps and power outlets are conveniently located at 6 feet high.

And here is where people tell me to stop being such a negative nancy and to look on the bright side so here are the positives about this island:

1. At least this room doesn’t smell like dead bodies.

2. Hey, I didn’t consume those ice cream calories! That’s a plus, right...

3. Dead fly = protein? I bet it is a delicacy, they must have been confused when I complained.

4. Is that garbage on the beach or just free stuff? New flip flops? Need a lip gloss or a blush? How about a comb?

5. No one at this hostel not only means a lack of general atmosphere and new faces, it also means quiet hallways!

6. Sports are... fun?

7. That bright sun at 5 am? Early bird catches the worm!

8. Six feet? I can work on my high jumps!

See, silver lining.

Oh, I almost forgot. When I was sitting in the lobby on my computer this morning, someone was just checking in. He came back down from the room a few minutes later holding dirty sheets and asked for clean ones, since new sheets were not put on his bed before he checked in. He was told, “No, no more sheets, all finished” and had to go back to his room to presumably sleep on a bare mattress.

Really.

S.